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A college degree is increasingly synonymous in India with financial success, and colonialism has left the country with the belief that the lightness of one’s skin is directly proportionate to his or her existential well-being—a notion so entrenched in the Indian psyche that, as reported in August, television commercials for skin-bleaching creams like Pond’s White Beauty claim to secure you a better husband.

But the traditional idea of marriage here is an ethnocentric one, designed to preserve the social taxonomy of the caste system that first calcified with the dawn of early Hinduism in the fourth century.

More than 22 million Indians—around one of every eight who use the Internet—use the country’s matrimonial sites, according to a recent review of India’s Internet Economy Watch Report.

In June, the Delhi-based Economic Times valued the online matrimony market at around 5.1 billion Indian rupees (roughly million)with an annual growth rate of 30 percent: a rose in the snowdrift of the Indian economy, whose recent erratic nature has shaken everything from exchange rates to onion prices.

They operate at the awkward nexus in modern Indian society between intracultural custom and intercultural connectivity, a conflict-prone junction built by a sudden 20-year economic boom that came without a societal user’s manual.

The average Indian man is likely more financially successful and socially engaged than his father—more likely to have a car and a Facebook page—but the popularity of matrimonial websites might suggest that he is simply using these resources to preserve an antiquated and gender-prejudiced conception of marriage that’s counterintuitive to modernization, at least by the Western definition.

It renders women a commodity, and marriage a property transaction.

This is why matrimonial websites attract controversy.

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India is a country where sex is “something that’s both sort of resented and incredibly desired,” Kevin, a 20-year-old college student in Delhi told me, and the Internet provides a sort of parallel community respited from traditional restrictions on the libido.If we take the traditional Indian conception of marriage at face value, the biography on my profile—three or four sentences, much shorter than the extensive personality inquisitions demanded by Western dating sites—should have kept me out of the matrimonial running.Sure, I’d have my points of appeal, namely in the sections reserved for Education (Bachelor’s) and Complexion (Very Fair).It’s one of more than 100 Indian websites that comprise the country’s thriving online matrimonial market, where an individual can browse for his or her ideal spouse among a catalog of potential candidates organized by the personal information that apparently matters most: religion, caste, income, fairness of skin, family background, and so on. Unlike online dating services, which at least superficially foster some sort of romantic connection, and which are effectively nonexistent in India, matrimonial websites are predicated on the idea that the first meeting between two paired users will be to chat about their wedding.They succeed for the same reason every online resource does: They offer convenience and expediency in an arena with high demand for it.




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If you want to show a man that you’re girlfriend material, don’t hook up with him on the first date. If you’re consistently calling, texting, emailing, and doing all the asking out, a man won’t have to lift a finger. This is not to say that you can’t ever reach out to a man you’re dating, but let him do the asking out — at least in the early stages. You deserve someone who wants to reach out to you, call you, and ask you out. Words are helpful, and you should use them sometimes. Try something like, “You know, I’d really like not to see other people. ” If he gives you an answer you aren’t looking for, buh-bye.


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